Saturday, October 16, 2010

Can Unconditional Love Exist in Romantic Relationships?

First of all, what is unconditional love?

Love that expects nothing back, places no limits, and does not set any ideals of condition on what or when it should be.


When you love someone without the expectation of how or if they will express love back to you.

This is the kind of love you see exhibited by parents and children and brothers and sisters.

But what about romantic relationships?

Yes, unconditional love has even existed in the best of romantic relationships.


How can you love someone unconditionally?


When you love someone unconditionally, you do not set limits or boundaries on that love, not circumstances that would cause you to withdraw it, there is nothing that would cause you to not love the person. Even if the other person intentionally wronged you, it is overlooked if you are truly committed to unconditional love.

Why is it important in any kind relationships?

When this kind of love is present, both partners feel more secure and neither of them seeks control. You do not try to control the actions of the other person, nor do you tell them you will not love them if they act a certain way or do a certain thing. Since there are no boundaries or conditions the people in a relationship of unconditional love do not have to worry about the other person leaving or not loving them over a particular situation or behavior.


If you love someone unconditionally you will want whatever is best for them and you will always give them the freedom to seek out the things that really give them happiness. Although they may make bad choices and do things that will wrong you, you will always be there for them and never judge them if you truly love them unconditionally.

When you truly love someone unconditionally, you place their needs and their happiness above everything else, including yourself.

Remember, just because you love someone in this way it does not mean that they will return their love to you in the same way.



To confirmed my answer from the question I placed...

The answer is yes. It does exist.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Is there something wrong with a little nagging?

-Carrottop79

I know that I nag my husband a little bit. He says I nag him about everything. I don't mean to be mean. But I always hear guys say they can't stand the "nagging" from their wives or girlfriends. Do you guys really have such thin skin?



Hello Carrottop79,

Cute name by the way :)

Okay, there is a really good analogy I can use for your circumstance which will help you see the picture clearer:

There are two ways you can break a rock: 1) You slam it to the ground and watch it crumble into pieces. Or you 2)chip and chip, and chip, and chip away until there's nothing left. They both get the same result.

Nagging doesn't get result. My advice to you is that you need to approach him with respect. He won't take charge unless you reward him for listening to you. It worked on little kids right?

Things to note here ladies: when men are backed into a corner, they fight back ruthlessly or retreat silently. I'm fairly sure you prefered neither.

Why Do Guys Act Like Jerks When They Know They Are Wrong?

- Marianne

A while back, my husband and I had a big fight about whose family we were going to spend Christmas with. He ended up calling my mother a controlling witch and we end up not talking for days. So instead of just apologizing to me, he wrote me an e-mail saying he was really sorry, but then went on explaining what he really meant. It was nice he apologized, but it was pretty cowardly that he did it over e-mail, don't you think? I think he should have the guts to apologize to my face.




Marianne,

I agree with you that your husband has fault in this situation. He shouldn't call his mother-in-law a controlling witch. And I do agree also that discussing the problem face to face is a much better approach to the solution.

Before you jump into calling your husband a coward, let's talk about the good things that had happened here.

One, he apologized. Let it be on record that men have a hard time admitting that they are wrong. Some men are just so stubborn.

Two, he took the time to write out exactly how he felt. If you were mad, maybe he felt like he couldn't say what he wanted to say without feeling like his opinions will be ignored. The email isn't necessarily was just a way to dismiss a conflict and end the discussion. Maybe it was just his way of calming both of you down.

Here is some key note to remember as well: Silence doesn't necessarily equal insincerity. It's better for a man to show that he cares through his actions, not his words. Writing the email to you = action = he cares. I think you should go give your husband a really big hug and tell him that you love him.

Have a great Wednesday everyone!

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Cha & Cafe

Newly opened Cha & Café in El Monte, CA has much to offer. We were greeted with friendly faces upon arriving and leaving the restaurant. The waitresses there dress as French maids whom I thought were very appealing. The services at Cha & Cafe were superb, our waitress being attentive but not overbearing. The atmosphere is comfortable and classy, yet the café has room for many people and is nicely decorated. Some of the great perks about the café is the free wi-fi, electronic games machines, sport channels and karaoke/ VIP room.

The restaurant carried brand new menu that features a mix of traditional Vietnamese and French cuisine with variety selection of smoothies and special drinks. You can tell they put a lot of thought into the menu.

The Starter: The Fried Egg Rolls

I definitely enjoyed the egg rolls tremendously. The platter was decorated very nicely with lettuce and variety of mints on the side. It was also served with a side of their homemade fish sauce. The eggrolls were hot, delicious and very crunchy. You can definitely tell the ingredients are fresh.

The Soups: Chicken Curry

This is definitely my all time favorite. You can't go wrong when it comes to this dish, especially for the curry and coconut fans. The chicken meats are very juicy and tender. The soup's taste balance very well with the coconut and curry. Neither of the main flavors over-powers each other. French bread is served on the side with the soup.

The Signature Dish: Filet Mignon Cubes w/ Salad, Egg w/ French bread)

This is the café's famous signature dish. The cube steak was very tender and juicy. You can tell they use very high grade steak for this dish. The salad was amazingly fresh and the vingerette was perfect in amount that it doesn't overkill the taste of the steak. They serve it along with two fried eggs and French bread.

Overall, this place is a gem. They have great service and good food. That's all you need to have an awesome time!


Location:
10308 Lower Azusa Road
El Monte, CA, 91731
Phone:
626-575-1861
Mon - Sun:
11:00 am - 12:00 am

http://ChaCafeShop.com

Saturday, August 21, 2010

Is predicability will kill the relationship?

Predictability is not a total bad thing. For men, especially in a long-term relationship, need a balance of predictability and surprises.

Why predictability is good. Because predictability = stability.

Men wants the stability of a woman who is strong, predictable, who's a good mother, who's passionate about what she loves, who's smart, who's a stable influence for the relationship and their future kids.

So why is a routine so crucial? Because a woman with no predictability is a woman who has no responsibility. Men want women who can pay the bill on time, who is committed to her career or her family, who is stable enough to stabilize the relationship.

Men want the appropriate ratio of predictability and surprises...they want the same goes for the bedroom activity. But I can't teach you there lol!

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Define "Companionship" Through a Man Point of View

We have to admit this ladies...

There comes a time in our lives where we are stuck in that gray area. What gray area? You know, that gray area. The gray area we so called "dating".

Have you ever been so confused of not knowing what is going on in his head when he throws words at you that put you in that gray area...confused.

My #1 confusion that we get all the time as women...

What does he mean when he said, "I see you as a companion?"

Oh wait!! Does he really meant companion..or is it really a nicer way of calling it "friends with benefits"

Talking about emotional confusion!!

Well ladies, this one of those...I may call it tomatoes or to-matoes.

While a short percentage of guys out there do see the word "companionship" as a nicer way as a booty call...there is a still a shining of high hopes for the rest.

But don't worry women, here's something that will ease your mind:

6 out of 10 men I have spoken with do believe in such thing as "companionship". In fact, many of them believe it's a key component to a factor of picking girlfriend-material.

So if a man do see you as a companion of his...chances are, you are very important to him.

Women, please understand: Doesn't matter what type a guy your man is...he craves companionship. A lot of women do not realize that men need companionship. It's one of the important basic needs of a man. A man likes to have a woman by his side when it matters. He likes to know she is available when he needs her the most. Men doesn't want to admit it, but they crave a good woman by his side. A man is motivated when he feels trusted and respected. Trust your man to energize him! He'll give his best performance when he feels loved!

Men wants more than anything a soul mate and friend. Someone loving, caring, affectionate and tender who he can talk to have fun with. He wants someone to love him unconditionally who's there for him yet also someone who he can be there for! He wants a best friend that will laugh at his jokes, no matter how bad they are! Someone that will take an interest in the things he likes. Someone that will not try to change him, yet who will help him to improve and grow where needed. He wants someone that will trust, respect and admire him. His ideal partner will focus on his good qualities more than than his faults.

Saturday, June 26, 2010

Was the Sex Really Worth it to Him to Ruin Everything We Had?

" My husband of 5 years just admitted to me that he had an affair. He said he slept with a woman he met through a mutual friend at work. He said he only slept with her only three times and then they broke it off. Yeah, "only" three times, like I should be thankful or something. To tell you the truth, I don't even know what I'm going to do, if I'm going to stay with him or not. But what I keep asking myself, is the sex really that much better than it's worth a divorce, splitting up money, lawyers, messing with kids' lives, and all that?" Anonymous

To Anonymous:

I know you must be upset. And I feel your pain, love. we have to asked ourselves nowadays, where did the chivalry and fidelity went?

But first let's analyze the good from this situation. We can safely assume that you're husband is mortify for what he has done and is awfully sorry because he came clean with the affair. Kudos to him for that. He can be like other jerks, cannot care less and keep it to himself because he know he can get away with him. But for your husband to confess the affair, that's one hard cookie to bite on.

But back to reality, cheating is cheating...no excuse for it. While sex might not be the first stepping stone to ignites infidelities, it can certainly be a powerful accelerator. Us women sometimes pretty much underestimate the power of a man's orgasm. Women have to understand men don't reminisce about the last one they had. They're always going to on heel thinking about the next one. If a man needs more sex than he is getting from his partner, then his natural reaction therefore is to find ways to fill his tank. Majority will try to fill it more often by themselves...but then men craves for the physical and emotional. Then if he is not completely satisfy with either, his radar will goes off to somewhere else. So women, don't totally blows off your men's needs.

But men, knows that cheating is wrong. Knows that it will hurt your girlfriend/wife. Can't you agree that sex is much better with your girlfriend/wife? Know that the sex isn't worth the mess..but then again maybe for some guys, the excitement, the sweat, the urgency, and the attentions are...and ladies, avoid those kind of guys.

Thursday, June 24, 2010

What Women Want Men To Know About Women

“We don’t want to be fixed. You guys are making us feel like we are broken or defective. We just wanted to be heard and form a close relationship.”

“Men complains about we are not completely open up to them. Want us to open up? We need a feeling of security and better chances of survival.”

“The dating stage is very important. It really tells us how you going to treat us in the long run. The man should demonstrate being attentive, protective, stimulating, calming and caring. If we don’t feel important now, we won’t feel important when we give you us completely.”

“Men are always figuring ways to get into our pant. Want some tips? Establish a long term protective and supportive relationship with us. If you have us, you have our heart.”

“We want to feel that we are important and valuable to men. Show your interest and dedication to our well-being and our high value to you. So it will be nice to be asked how are we doing and if we need anything…and really mean it! Men who do accomplish this are more attractive to us.”

“Men bitch about how they are clueless about women. Stop bitching and do something about it.”

“Stop labeling us all the same. We are all different. Just because you ex-girlfriend is a total psycho…it doesn’t make us one too.”

“Say what you mean…mean what you say!”

“We know you guys are busy. But a phone call isn’t too much to ask, right?”

“Make us feel like we are the hottest woman in this world even though we are not.”

“Compliment us…guys need reinforcement; we do too.”

“We want an intelligent lover. Someone who is able to read body language and the small signals that we are sending out.”

“Men can’t have a cake and eat it too!”

“Women want to feel safe with a man. They want to know that everything's gonna be all right. This doesn't mean you have to be huge and strong, or have millions in the bank. It just means you have to talk reassuringly to her, look after her safety, and assure her when she needs it that things are going to be OK.”

“We want men to take us out on "real" dates. We want to be asked a few days ahead of time. We want the evening planned with activities we'd enjoy. Taking us to a hockey game because you love hockey is not a "real" date in our mind. We want to be picked up by a date that has taken care with his appearance. We like that you primp for us as we do for you. We want doors opened for us. We want you to pay for dinner. We'll offer to pay. Don't jump on the offer before the words have finished coming out of our mouths. However, if we insist - offer to split costs. If we ask you out, we expect and plan to pay. Of course we also expect you to try to pick up the check. We may not let you. Think of it as a test.”

“We are turned on by men that pay attention to detail. We tend to remember what we wore on every date, where we went, what we ate and what songs were playing on the radio on the way. Relax - we don't require you to remember all of that. But you should remember places we've been together.”

“We want men who can make a decision. We hate guys that never decide on a place to eat or a movie to see. Saying "Whatever you want, honey" is fine in most situations. Recommended even. But not every time we ask what you want to do. We just like men in charge”

“We want men that are honest and dependable. We want to be able to count on you. Don’t make plans to go out with us if you know you’re going to cancel. Don’t tell us what you think we want to hear instead of the truth. Yes - me may get angry at some things that you say or do. Yes, our feelings may be hurt that you had already made plans with the guys on Saturday night instead of leaving it open for us. But as hurt as we are then, is nothing compared to the fury we’ll feel when Saturday night rolls around and we find out at the last minute. Don’t string us along. Along with dependability is courtesy. If you’re running late - call and let us know, realistically, how late you’ll be. Don’t say you’ll be there in 5 minutes when you know it will be more like an hour. This is not so that we can “check up” on you. We’re not making you accountable for every minute not spent with us. We are natural worriers. It’s just the polite thing to do.”

“Sex doesn't have to be a marathon affair. We get sore after a while and while you are trying to hold back from coming, we are wishing you would just climax already. Listen to what our bodies are saying and go with it. We don't have the stop watch out.”

“That we need to feel secure. Men sometimes misunderstand a woman's need to be secure. They see it as a trap into marriage or a long term commitment. While women want to feel secure about the future, men usually don't think it necessary to prove that they can provide it.”

“We want to be appreciated. There is nobody on earth that does not want to be appreciated. We are suckers for compliments. Too many men have lost the love of a good woman because they have taken her for granted. We love a man who knows how to treat us right and show us how much he cares.”

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

What Men Want Women to Know About Men

By request by one of my reader, I was asked to compile a list of "what men
want women to know to about men". I surveyed around and here are the results ladies!


"We don't like it when women are controlling." -Steve

"We scratches because it itches" -Jon

"We never get hints" -Charles

"We men like for the women to understand our priorities in life too. We want to cater to your needs, but can't you understand our needs also?
" -Tommy

"Just because we don't show emotion doesn't mean we don't care (actions will dictate that)"
-Clint Clirk

"Men can suck really badly at picking up subtle things." -Clint

"As a subset of two, if you like a guy, or don't like a guy (in THAT way) just say so! It saves everyone a lot of time and potential emotional hurt" -Clint

"If you get with a bad guy, and you pretty much know he's a bad guy, and you go with him anyways, and you get burned, don't come running back crying to our shoulders. That annoys us a lot more than you think." -Clint

"And the true is the same for women, we are who we are. You can't change us any more than we can change you. If we are bad, than we are bad guys. If we are good, than we are good guys. Thinking you can change us is nothing more than a justification in your head to be with us one way or another. Don't fool yourselves." -Clint

"Most men like sports, deal with it." -Clint

"We hate the ladder system. We REALLY hate the ladder system." -Clint

"Plain and simple. We're scared of rejection, no matter how much we pretend we're not." -Brad

"Sometimes, we want to be chased. The sexiest thing in the world is a girl hitting on us."
-Craig

"Women don't understand the value of solitude. If I want to go out and drink with my buddies, she should understand that's it's healthy." -Johnatan

"Men may not always want to talk about their feelings, but that doesn't mean that they aren't invested in the relationship." -Stan


"I love a woman who is very sensual. A woman unafraid of telling me what she's thinking is a girl for me." -Jerry

"We are no different than women in what we want. We are looking for that one person who will make us and keep us happy for the long run. We're looking for women who will be the same person while they're married as they are when they're dating."
-Brandon

"A woman who picks up the tab once in a while is hot. I do mind women paying because I'm a provider. A real man pays for everything. But when a woman offer to pay, now that is sexy all around. " - Luke

Let's keep the list going men. Your opinion will help change the lives of all men around the globe :)

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Dating Without Wanting Commitment?

Erika--

I've been seeing this guy for a couple weeks. He's cool, we enjoyed each other, have a lot in common, and have slept together a couple times. So we're on something like our sixth date, and he lays it all on me.--that he's coming off a tough breakup, that he's not sure he's ready to go on, that I'm great but his head is in a messed-upp place. I wasn't going to argue with the guy, but I'm tired of the B.S. Why does he use his head as an excuse for not wanting to continue a relationship with me?

Wow, that's must be tough on your part. To be involved emotionally and physically...then the string was cut.

Okay, let's put it this way. Let's say he's gone to this great new restaurant. It's hip, cool, getting lots of good attention. First time there, he tries something, likes it, goes back again, and isn't quite as impressed. So he tries something else on the menu, and then something else, and then he realizes that hey, maybe it isn't the food. Maybe the restaurant just isn't for him.

He's lying. Really, if he wanted a future with you or if you jazzed his soul more than Coltrane, then it wouldn't matter what happened with past girlfriends, careers, or anything else. They'd drop all of their excuses and do anything to make it work.

The reason why he's using his head as an excuse--and not the fact that he's not finding you to be a match--he thinks you're cool, smart, and attractive, but maybe just not serving the right dishes for his taste. It's doesn't mean other people won't enjoy the place, and it doesn't mean it not worthy of being open. It just mean you shouldn't worry aout trying to keep him as a regular.

How Do I Get Him to Input More in the Relationship?

Laura-

Things haven't been going that great with my boyfriend. I told him how I felt--how I wanted more from our relationship, how I didn't feel like he cared as much as he used to, how it seemed like we were in kind of a rut. His response? He clammed up. He made some remark about how he was sorry that I felt that way and then came back with the classic: "What do you want me to do?" I hate that. It's like he was trying to pass the responsibility back to me. What's he trying to prove whenever we have relationship troubles?

Before you jump into conclusion...STOP. To you, it may sound like a blow-off. But to men, that question sums up every single emotion they have running in their head when you present to him your problem. He is asking you to tell him what to do or how to fix it. Importantly, how can he make you happy.

Men doesn't see life as a math problem. Every single path comes up with a different answer. They think differently than us. They wants to meet your needs and get to the bottom of what's bothering you. They just drive there differently.

Women, please note: Men like to solve problems, so they will feel bad when he can't fix things for you.

Women are wired to give sympathy when people shared their problems with us and maybe that why we expect it too. For men? They are wired to analyze the problem, take care of it, and move on.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Why Men are so Afraid of Relationship?

Okay, so this post correlate with my last two posts. I was actually having this conversation not too long ago with my friend, Tony T Nguyen since it was his question.

Why are men are afraid of relationship?

Here is the breakdown why men are so shaky when it comes to the big "C" word.

1. They're afraid that they'll have to give up their independence and spend every free moment with you.

2. They're worried that you'll try to change them.

3. They fear that a relationship with you will drastically altar life as they know it.

4. They think that they'll have to be accountable to you for everything (their whereabouts, how they spend their time & money, their decisions)

5. They're worried that they'll ose their identity...that "I" will automatically become "We"

6. They're afraid that they'll immediately to be on the path to marriage without having any say in the matter.


Ladies, guys are just as emotionally weak as we are. You don't know what kind of girlfriend-zilla he's had in the past. We've all met that needy, naggy, demanding woman who suck the soul of the man's she's with by making him spend all of his time with her and not allowing him spend time with the guys, checking up on him constantly, and booking the reception hall for their wedding before he's even thought about proposing.

This is what I do and I think you should do the same. It works wonder on yourself and your self-esteem...

Show men you're not a "soul sucker" he fears every woman to be
Go out and better yourself (for me, gym 3 to 4 times a week)
motivate yourself and keep yourself occupied (I take up hobbies)
Love yourself and feel confident in who you are
Encourage your man to find himself, pursue his dreams and grow.

I enjoy being a part of a "we", but that doesn't mean that my boyfriend and I aren't two individuals. Respect him as his own person and never try to change him. Understand a relationship is a major commitment and only when both of you feel ready. In the meantime, layout your hope and expectation for him. But leave it up to him to use that information however he choose to.

What make you girlfriend materials (and guy will respect it)

1. Keep it casual in the beginning. Don't make too many demands on his time or emotion. Don't nag him to spend more time with you than he's able.

2. Force yourself to see other people. (and no, I'm not talking about sleeping around) Even if your heart's not into it..but keep your options open until things become more serious. You'll be less emotionally invested in the outcome of the relationship, thereby feeling more powerful, in control, and less desperate!

3. Let him iniate the "let's date exclusively" conversation. When he is ready to date exclusively with you...he'll let you know. Let him make the first decision and the first move. Men are afraid of "the talk" or "where is this relationship going?" Guys work on their own timeline. They may be falling hard for you and want you to be their girlfriend, but if you're the one bring it up first, they still might be totally resistant because they want it to be a decision on their own. Unil he calls you the "G" word, relax. A man's action speak louder than the word he isn't yet saying. If he's voluntarily stopped seeing other girls and wants to spend most of his free time with you, you are already important to him. So he has a little problem with "labels"...let him iniate when he is ready to tell you he wants you all to himself.

4. Don't act entitled to know his whereabouts and don't check up on him. Most men are very sensitive about their autonomy, and if they sense that a woman feels entitled to know where he is and what's he doing at every moment of the day, they will freak out. Guaranteed.

5. Keep your life busy and full. On the other hand, date yourself. Don't wait for him to plan a date with you. Take yourself on a date. Whether you're single, dating, or even married, it's healthy for you to pursue your own interest and spend time with your own friends. Being a part of a couple shouldn't mean that you cease to exists as an individual. Doing your own thing sometimes will enrich your life, gives you more experiences and yes, make you more interesting to the man you're in a relationship with.


So there you haven't ladies and gents!!

Should I Give him an Ultimatum?

This topic actually correlate a lot with my last post. You may ask why.

Women, when they are in a situation with "friends with benefits" or may even not in that situation...this topic will comes up soon or later.

Tired of waiting for him to committ...
Tired of investing your time to a relationship that is not going anywhere...
Tired of wondering what he is really thinking...
Tired of being confused and lost...


THEN BOOM!! We hit him up with an ultimatum...
Then he disappear.

Ladies, let me tell you why ultimatum doesn't work.

He probably got a different timeline in his head.
Another possibility is that he's become so comfortable with the relationship that he's too complacent to make a move.
Or maybe he just don't see a future with you...

Regardless what the answer is, ultimatum will not work.

Let's begin with the definition of an "ultimatum"

ul-ti-ma-tum: a statement that expresses or implies the threat of serious penalties of the terms are not accepted. (American Heritage Dictionary)

in layman's term, "It's my way or the highway"
When do you ever see a successful relationship where one party gets everything.

By giving him an ultimatum, you are thinking you are placing yourself in the situation where you have power.

But in reality, you are giving yourself false illusion.

In a more clearer image, you are trying to force a decision out of someone when you are actually powerless over the outcome.

In fact, the more pressue you put on him to do what you want, the more likely you are to drive him away.

So what are some of the reasons why ultimatums don't work??

1. It might be a decision he would have to come on his own and he may end up resenting you for pushing him into it.

2. You'll never be sure that he really wants what you want.

3. You shouldn't have to force someone to give you what you want, and you'll feel bad that you had to resort to threats to get your needs met.

4. You can't change someone or have control over their actions.

5. The best, which I'm saving for last. There's a good chance he'll call your bluff.
So if an ultimatum doesn't work...what works?

Communication. Don't totally blows up your personal beliefs.

Calmly explain your needs and expectations to him. End it with a note "...I'm just letting you know that this is a decision I have made for myself and whatever you decide to do with that information is up to you."

Do you see the different approach?

It allows you to stand up for your beliefs and let the other person know what expectations you have...

But it allows the other person the dignity of making their own choice based on the information you give them.

Hopefully, he'll be smart enough to realize how amazing you are wand will gladly do anything it takes to rise up to meet your needs and expectation.

But even he isn't willing to, then you have the peace of mind knowing that you never lowered yourself to the level of threatening of groveling. You simply made him aware of what you needed, and if he can't meet those needs then it's his problem and his loss.

Keep focus on yourself and your own needs and give him the power to choose his next move.

But remember, just because he's not willing to commit, doesn't make him a bad guy. There are many reasons why men doesn't want to commit...

and that's for the later post...

But I'll end it with this note

If he's truly worth being the "the one" for you, he'll step up to the plate and willingly do whatever it takes to make you happy.


Until then, just have fun. The best relationships are created when two people are truly satisfied and happy with each other.

Monday, May 24, 2010

Why would a man buy the cow if he gets free milk?

comment from Regina - "Please HELP. I am so lost and feel so alone. I have been dating Robert for 4 years and you could say we have lived together all this
time. We both have our own place, but from the beginning he always wanted me with him. SO I came to his place every day after work and stayed there on weekends. I had a key to his place and he has one to mine. I would get off before him and he wanted me to come on over and make myself at home and wait for him.

He always made sure he was home right after work and we would eat dinner and then he would help with the dishes and then we would sit together and watch TV or a movie. Then we would get up and shower together washing each others backs and making love afterward and then falling asleep in each others arms.

It was the best 4 years of my life and on weekends when he had his kids we spent all the time together like a family. Then a month-and-a- half ago out of the blue he started telling me he was going to go out with some guys from work and then he would come home to me very drunk.

I would try to guilt him into not going. Which just made him mad at me. I know that was wrong. I finally just stopped since it didn't help and then the parties stopped 4 weeks ago and then I woke up one morning a month ago for work and then he kissed me good bye like always and told me he loved me and would see me tonight for dinner.

Then like clock work he called me around lunch time and while we were talking he just told me he wanted to break up and that he needed space. But he loved me and wanted to keep me in his life as his friend, because he sees me as his best friend.

I was crushed and tried to make him change his mind. It didn't work. Then a few days later he came by to fix some things he knew needed fixing and we talk and he asks if I was willing to be friends and to be exclusive sexually.

I was desperate not to lose him, so I agreed. And I would see him every other night and he would come by, spend some time watching TV with me, holding me on the couch and kissing me and we would make love and he would stay for an hour or more and then kiss me good bye and go home.

I know he went home because I would drive by and check a little later and also in the morning to make sure there wasn't anyone else there.

I haven't found another car there and he is always home. Then the other night I saw him at a going-away party for a friend of ours and we ended up coming back to my place and making love and him sleeping over. I became curious and wondered if there was another woman and looked at his cell phone text messages and calls. ( only friends) He woke up and caught me and was so mad and left.

I haven't seen him for 3 days. And then I see him at the gym (we work out together once a week) and he showed up because he knew I needed help with the free weights. He played around with me some and gave me a few hugs, but he didn't try to kiss
me like he use to.

Please help me win him back. I know I shouldn't have invaded his privacy but I was so
desperate to know he wasn't with another woman. I am so scared I lost him for good. Which is hard because I see him at the fire department we both volunteer at twice a week.

I know he loves me because of what we have been through, but my insecurities keep messing things up, because I have been cheated on by an ex-husband and ex-fiance in my past. I desperately want to find a way for him to return and spend a life with him and his children. Regina"



Ladies, we been down this road before at least once in our lives. Working so hard to be in a relationship with a man you have invested a lot in. It can be frustrating. At times, we may feel resentful and confused about what to do...which may actually push a man away or lost all hopes of the promise in a date or a full-blow relationship.


It's our doing that get us introuble. It's the thing that our minds are wired to do with a man and it's the same thing that make our "attractiveness" less to a guy...and the less interested he is in us. A man becomes attached to you because he feels safe and attracted to your vibe and energy.

We actually tried to make it seem like it was "alright" with being treated badly. Like we were actually "a-ok" with being introduced as a "friend" and "okay" being kissed or just touched only in private setting.

And it would take us a long time to get that WANTING a REAL relationship - wanting a man to behave with me the way a man is SUPPOSED to behave with a woman he LIKES (let alone LOVES) was not a sign of WEAKNESS.

I personally don't want you to have to go through that.

So, if you pull away from a man who wants to be "friends," without having more and more discussion about his point of view - is this running away?

Is it selfish?

Is it treating him as "disposable"?

And of course - my resounding, big, loud answer
to that is NO!

The RIGHT way to treat a man who sleeps with you and then wants to be your "friend" is to say how you feel - "I feel feelings for you beyond
friendship, and so I don't want to be friends with you just now..." and then DROP HIM
COMPLETELY OUT OF YOUR LIFE!

Regina - you aren't going to like this. It's
tough love, so don't read if you don't want to
hear it.

You're in a "friends with benefits" situation,
and you've been there a long, long time.

The "losing" of him (if you ever actually
"had" him, and I don't believe you did) happened
a long time ago.

He's long gone.

Some men don't need more than what he has with you right now. There may not be another woman.There may be many other women. There may not be another woman for years. Makes no difference. He may never be into ANY woman. He may frequent
prostitutes for all you know. Every time you sleep with him you are physically endangering yourself (I hope you're using condoms).

Here's what I want you to do, and if you decided to read this - know that I'm here to help you to stay strong:

1. Drop him out of your life. Completely. NO CONTACT.

This means - no gym unless you're sure he's not there - best thing to do is take a month's free trial at another gym, perhaps some interesting dance classes, something new, but if you can't, then make sure you go when he's NOT going to be there.


You're going to have to be very, very strong
and tell him this:

"I feel so bad, so vulnerable, so lost and sad. I feel like I haven't taken care of myself. I can't handle seeing you. It feels too bad. I can't be your friend, and I don't want to be your friend until I no longer feel attached to you. So please don't call me again, or come over."

And if he DOES call, or shows up at your home- I suggest strongly that you hang up the phone, slam the door before he says ANYTHING. If you need protection, call the police.

Yes - I'm totally serious here.

You are - (and I'm going to start a series about this, because I use this harsh terminology with my friends all the time - it's very helpful to see it from this perspective) - you are a
JUNKIE.

He is like the needle you can't wait to stick in your arm.

You're giving him your body, your heart, your friendship. And for what? For the thrill he gives you when he's with you.

Same with heroin.

It makes you high, and then it destroys your life. But you can't let go of wanting the "fix." He is your "fix."

Regina - I want you to take a square look at what is really happening here - a "nice and friendly" version of the classic "booty call," and then, I want you to....

...DATE!

Every single man who even looks at you kindly,I want you to smile back at him. I want you to take every invitation you get to anywhere. I want you out of the house and in the company of someman.

I want you to experience what it feels like to be with a man who is not like heroin. Yeah,maybe a boring man, maybe a quiet man, maybe a not-so-sexy man, maybe a man you can't or won't fall in love with.

This man is not toxic in himself. He may be a very nice man. But he's heroin for you. There is no "easing out of this." Cold turkey is your only option here.

I want to end this note with three important sayings I go by:

"Why would a man buy the cow if he can get free milk?"

"Why settle for a cake if it doesn't come with the frosting?"

"When in doubt, throw it out!"


I wish you luck Regina

Monday, April 26, 2010

Is She a Keeper?

One of my male reader enjoyed my "Is He a Keeper?" He suggested that I create one for the female version. And here it is guys!! But I think it pretty general for either gender.

1. Does she gets you? Does she gets your sense of humor? Understanding is a key essential to a happy, long relationship. Your relationship will get dull and boring
if you can't learn to laugh together.


2. She is a positive in your life, not negative. She brings out the best of you. She is your number # 1 in everything you do. She encourage you to be a better person. Easily said, she enriches your life and soul.


3. She respects your dreams and passion. Everyone has a personal goal or a passionate dream. She let you find an inner-satisfaction with life. She doesn't nagged you about spending time with her. The ones that is not a whiner, that's someone you want to plan a life with.



But in the end, it's all about how she makes you feel. Do you love being around her? Does she makes you feel special? Go with your feeling and sail along :)

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Should You Reveal the Number of People You have Slept With to Your Current Significant Other?

I have a friend who asked me, "Should you reveal the number of people you have slept with to your current signifcant other?"

My answer is maybe...

The topic has always been a touchy topic to deal with because the conversation can be beneficial or hit a wrong turn to a dead end.

To me, it's more on a case by case situation. How serious are you two now? If you guys are slightly interested and not in the comfortable zone yet, then maybe that topic needed to be save for later when you are both comfortable to discuss it. But it matters when it comes to health and diseases. If you are engaging with someone in an act where you could catch something, you have the right to know. You want to know more in details of their sex partners...did they have unprotected sex? any one nighters?


Other than that, it's all up to you. If they ask, I don't see why you need to lie about it. Experience is never a bad thing in my book, and I would play up being honest and open about your past sexual encounters to aid your current sex life. You should be able to share a different part of yourself with every person that you are intimate with. That is the whole ideal key to a relationship: honesty and open communication. Whether it's a a serious-committed relationship or one-night-stand, the experience is an experience and should not be viewed negatively.

And for those who has tendency to be jealous about someone's past...why?

What's done is done. Why cry over spilled milk? If you see it as a problem, then don't accept them. People should focus more on the "now" time-frame instead of reminiscing and holding grudge about someone's past. Life is how we define things. Let's not let society define what is right or wrong. That is why you have a brain for...to think for yourself right?

Monday, April 12, 2010

What Makes a Man Happy

I just remember last week having this conversation with a friend. He told me that he learn the "secret" of keeping a man happy. He actually learn it from a female friend who has been happily married for a long, long, long time.

Wait for it......

Wait for it......

The secret of "What Makes a Man Happy".....

Wait for it....

Wait for it....

The answer... sandwhiches and blowjobs

LOL!!

How crazy of an answer in that. That just boiled down to food and sex. I guess they were on to something when they said, "The best way to a man's heart is to his stomach". And it's already a given that men like BJs.

I guess what I'm trying to say ladies...is that men are not complicated. They live a more simple, less-complicated lives.

But men are not just that simple...that what separate them from animals. Funny, my friend has this formula that rate a woman of how of a girlfriend quality she is:

YOUR HOTNESS RATING minus YOUR ANNOYING RATING minus YOUR PSYCHO RATING = how well you stack up as a girlfriend.

Beside food & sex, I believe men need this to make them happy:

1. His "Me" time: Women, please know when to back off. When a man has to ask for his space, resentment is going to flair up. You don't have to be with them 24/7. Keep a little mystery between the two of you. Men like to know their girlfriends have lives of their own too. It is important in relationship that you do not define yourself with your boyfriend (especially early on in the stage). NOTE THIS GIRLS: Girls who are independent and have their own lives are way more attractive.

2. Be Open and Honest: Stop playing mind-games with men. They are not mind-readers. They don't know what you are thinking unless you directly tells them. If they ask and you reply that nothing is wrong...they truly will think nothing is wrong. Even if they knew something is wrong, they are not going to pursue it. Why? It takes too much work and guys are SIMPLE (remember?) So instead of holding your emotions or resentment of against your man, just tell him. But in a more mature and calmly manner. He will totally appreciate the honesty and how easy it is to communicate with you. In the emotional realm, simple communication goes a long way. If he is making you happy, let him know! If he’s not, let him know also, but in a way that invites constructive communication.

3. Give Friendly Gesture: Friendly gestures do go a long way ladies...and men appreciate it. Any kind of act of kindness will put your man's head in a spin. It shows you have thought about him..and no, it does not make you weak or submissive. For example, I remember I did this before for one my of boyfriend. He was extremely busy trying to finish a project before the deadline. I haven't seen in for a week. I left a basket of snacks for him at his front door, ring the doorbell, and left. By the time he opened the door, I was already gone. He called me to come back. I told him that his work is important and he needed to get his work done first...he and I can play later. Now we are not together, he mentioned to me that that friendly gesture still lingers on with him til this day. A man will definitely appreciate the extra distance you have gone for him. Any general kindness, without any expectation in return, will work wonders on a man's mood. Plus, it allows him the resulting happiness with none other than the caring woman who made it all possible. We want our men to be our prince charming...why can't he ask for the "girl next door"?

4. Look Pretty. Men are visual. They like to see they are happily in love with the same woman they fell in love before. Keep yourself maintained! Physically and mentally! Who wants to be with a slob that has low self-esteem.

Thank you for your support

I want to thank you for one of my reader yesterday who actually take the time to message me on yahoo to expressed her appreciation for my blog. And I want to thank you her very much for her appreciation and support. I love to talk to those who support my work. And I also love to chat with those who disagree with my work. Either way, I love talking :)

And I would like to take the time to thank you each of my readers who actually take the time to send me questions and requests. It shows that you value my opinions and feel that I am certified enough to give you advice lol!

For the most part, this blog was started out intentionally to express my opinion on the dating world. I try my best to emphasize in my posts that these are "general" or "from my experience". Everyone is different and my opinions does not relate to everyone. However, take my advice as a grain of salt and use it to however you think you can.

And again, feel free to reach out and contact me for some personal advice. Even if you want to comment how horrible of a job I am doing...shoot. I will try my best to answer them. Keep in mind if I feel that your questions are good, I will post them with the answer. Feel free to request a made-up name so I can use it in my blog.

You can get a hold of me at my personal email at: nga_t_truong@yahoo.com (yahoo msn)
facebook: www.facebook.com/nga.t.truong
twitter:http://twitter.com/nga_t_truong

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Who Should Pay For the 1st, 2nd, and 3rd Date?

As my readers know, I like to sometime post random thoughts that come to my mind when the lightbulb goes off! As I was chatting with one of my guy friends late last night who was teaching me Quickbook. He and I trailed off into different topic about dating in general...and we talked for hours!!

This topic is meant to be in general for both men and women. I'm going into the mindset of how a man thinks and how a woman thinks. Feel free to correct me if I am wrong or feel free to comment me on how you feel with the comment box.

Men, let me talk to you for a sec...

If you are interested in her, pay for the first and second date.And guys, there's nothing going to impress a woman more than you paying for the first and second date. I know this may sound like a feminist advice, but however, it's true. Here is a few reason why men:

A. It shows you can lead. My opinion on a guy is who can't take a small step such as just paying for a meal is pretty much he lack leadership in other areas. Us women, we can lead ourselves, but we just don't want to lead you too. Be a man and grows some balls.

B. It's a turn off for us women. To us, it's not about money guys. This is about kind of a chilvarly thing. To me, if you can't pay for something as cheap as a meal, then that's pretty pathetic. (Well, this depend on how cheap the meal is...but in general, I'm a cheap date). Why do I think that way? Consider the fact how often women buy or do things for men. I personally buy loads of stuff for the men in my life, cook dinners and take care of his essential living needs. I don't sit there and keep a tab and etc. on it. We spend loads of time shopping for your birthday and holiday gifts -- it shouldn't be about the money. It should be about wanting to be chivalrous! If I am not worth for a price of a meal, you might not think I worthy of anything.

C. It shows you have standard and the ability to provide. This let us know you have values of some kind. You can hold yourself accountable for somethings. How we preceive the prospective relationship by the facts about the first date. Ok, if you let her pay her meal...she will thinks that she will do all the paying from here on out once you guys get serious. Some guys don't want that kind of burden of taking care of a woman. So what make you think us women want that burden too? Who would want that headache? I can't emphasize enough that its not about the money!! If you make her feel like a burden on the first date, her mind will suggest she find somene who doesn't.

I think the man should pay even if he believes he will never date her again simply out of gratitude for the opportunity to learn from her. She took the time out of her life to say "yes" to the first date even if things didn't work out. The only way you would force her to pay her part was if she was a TOTAL Bitch or if she would be insulted if you didn't let her.

It has been my experience that a woman almost always wants the man to pay. If she doesn't want to let you pay, it means that she doesn't want to feel obligated to you in any way. If she doesn't want to feel obligated to you, she probably isn't interested in you or has serious baggage.



Ladies, I have the talk with the men. It's your turn.


I think it will be nice if you offer to pay for the first date, but try not to pay the first date. Why? Here is why:

Men are wired to have a sense of duty to provide. When women offer to pay for the first date, they're taking that away from the man. They're unknowingly emasculating him. Men like to feel like he is a bread-winner. And even the best feminist man will still get rankled if a woman wants to show off her alpha-ness to her date.

I will suggest to make it easier on the guy is if he let you pick the place, be nice and pick a place that is free or low-cost for the first date such a simple coffee, afternoon movies, walking the beaches, etc.

What about the second date?

If you are on the second date and it's dinner, generally speaking, the man will offer to pay. And I highly recommend to the women to graciously accept and let him pay. Why? That will not go on forever. So enjoy it a little bit.

Now what if he did pay for a very lavish dinner, but you're not planning to see him again? WOMEN, I CAN'T EMPHASIZE ENOUGH! ALWAYS, ALWAYS, thank you him for the dinner and his time. His time and money are just as precious as yours too. We can at least have the decency to do that.

So on the 2nd date and you like what you see...now what? This is where the fine line of the feminist ends. Thank you him for such a lovely dinner and suggest to pay for the next one. Why you might ask?

1. It shows that you are not feminist to the point that a guy will always pay for the meal. You can't expect after a 2nd date that this man will continue to pay for you now on. Seriously, this is a new generation ladies. So it does show that you want to contribute into this "watchamacallit" and you're not going to be freeloading off of him. It shows you are willing to contribute into a relationship.

2. Second, it tells him you want to see him again. If you are on a budget, cook for him. I guaranteed you that guys will appreciate the effort it takes to plan a home-cook meal (even though your cooking is horrible). But the point is, it shows that you like him enough to go out the way.


I hope this post been helpful to everyone. Now, go out there and date!

Sunday, April 4, 2010

I need to know its really worth leaving ?

Sunny asked,

"Are there really good guys out there? I don't want to be alone , But I am so sad in my relationship ! I was alone a long time before I met him , He used to be good but now he is so mean and angry . I want to leave some-day's but It is so hard ! Why did it have to be like this ? Is there anyone out there who has been in my situation and stayed and things where okay ? Did you leave ? And are better now ? Are there guys who can love you and treat you right ?"

Hi Sunny,

I can totally relate to your question so much in so many different level. I used to be in a verbally abusive relationship for four years. The way he talked to me was very hurtful. And many times I felt disrespected. And you ask why did it last so long? Because I stayed hoping he will change and things will get better. But trust me, it won't. If you are unhappy in your relationship, you must speak up. Tell him how you feel and how you're hurt. If he valued and love you, he will open up to you. He will tell you why he is acting this way. But if you don't get anything when you are trying to communicate with him, leave.

By the sound of it, you are ready for an out. And you have a good reason to leave him. No man should be angry and hurtful toward anyone; especially to the person he love. I don't really know much about the details of your relationship, but it sound like it can get violent if things don't change. Don't give him any excuse of the way he behave toward you.

There are good men out there. REAL men respects women. PERIOD. Take your time and don't be afraid to wander out and seek happiness. Being alone can be devastating. But we as women are strong! I suggest you read my blog of "why shouldn't you rushing into a relationship". It will give you the insight that you must learn to have confidence that you can be independent. No man will respect you if you can't respect yourself. No man will love you if you can't learn to love yourself first. You must deep dig and find out what truly makes you happy before entering another relationship. By building such strengths for yourself, it will make you strong and beautiful.



Maria



*Below is the our Hannibal Code in Men*


If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.

Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.

Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.

Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be.

Slower is better.

Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.

If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve, then heck no, you can't "be friends". A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.

Don't settle.

If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.

Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.

The only person you can control in a relationship is you.

Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?

Always have your own set of friends separate from his.

Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you.

If something bothers you, speak up.

Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.

You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within.

Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are... even if he has more education or in a better job.

Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.

Never let a man define who you are.

Never borrow someone else's man. If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.

A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.

All men are NOT dogs.

You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is two way street.

You need time to heal between relationships... there is nothing cute about baggage... deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.

You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you... a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals... look for someone complimentary...not supplementary. Dating is fun... even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.

Make him miss you sometimes... when a man always know where you are, and you're always readily available to him - he takes it for granted.

Never move into his mother's house.

Never co-sign for a man.

Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.

Keep him in your radar but get to know others.

Share this with other women and men (just so they know)...you'll make someone smile, another rethink her/his choices, and another woman prepare, and a man aware.

Beginning Dating Mistake for Women

I spent a whole day with my friend today and I had a one-on-one talk about relationship. I have been on this dating scene for quite a while. I have been on a few dates. With each guy, I learn a little bit about myself.

So here I am ladies...going to pour out to you what I think we can defintely do to avoid mistakes in our dating lives.

For some of us, including myself, find the dating part of our lives very confusing and complicating. I was worried in the beginning that if I date a few men casually, then it makes me feel "slutty". But in actually, so far, men actually seem to prefer it that way. They perceive that dating should be fun. Most men complain to me that most woment are looking for a relationship to become serious too soon.

Women, our ultimate goal is to a soul mate. But keep in mind dating is a fun process. Take your time and don't rush into anything. If he is that into you, he'll come around when he is ready to be serious. He will tell you when he want to date you exclusively and ask you not to date other men.

We all do this! And I used to do this too! We are too formulated into details. After or failed relationship, we noticed details of why our relationship ended and vow not to make the same mistakes again. So don't waste your time with a man who isn't ready to commit. The main focus is by doing that, it tooks us months to discover this about this man while ruling out all chances of meeting a man that was a better match for her. So what does that mean for us ladies? The big problem is not that it took months to determine that the man was not ready for commitment, the problem is that the woman didn't keep her options open while she was making this discovery.


If you want to further you understanding on that, I would suggest you reading the book, "You Lost Him at Hello" by Jess McCann. For example. Prospects! Prospects! Prospects! More prospects equal to greater chance of success! If you ever sold anything in your life, you know what I'm talking about. You know that your chances of success are the greatest when you have multiple prospects rather than focusing your time and energy on one prospect. I know that it doesn't seem like it applies to relationship, but it does...cause it's much harder for relationship. The goal of finding a lifetime partner is even more difficult than the sales man who wants to land a big deal.


You would laugh at the idea that a salesman who only pursued one client after one meeting with them, yet we tend to see nothing wrong with the woman who starts dating a man exclusively after only one date. So ladies, PAY ATTENTION!! Dating exclusively so quickly is a mistake.This is a problem for both inexperienced and experienced daters, who not only make this mistake, but continue to make it over and over again.



Thanks for reading my post and good luck women on find your one true love :)

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Can You Really Judge A Man By His Kiss??

As I was browsing through some of the questions my readers sent me, this one sparks my interest the most. Why? I never thought about it before. I jot down some notes and here is my answer. It's actually going to be fun to write this post.

JessM88 asked:

"Can I judge a man's love potential by the way he kiss me?"



Well JessM88, this is a very good question. And you know, it made me pondered for a while and then I giggled. So I'll give it a try.

"CAN YOU REALLY JUDGE A MAN'S POTENTIAL JUST BY THE WAY HE KISS?"

Men, if you are unaware of it by now, make note of it. Us women, we judge a man's love potential by the way you kiss us. Well here is our equation:

lousy kisser = lousy in bed
great kisser = great lover

Yes, we do rate a man based upon his kiss. It goes back to the old wives tale that your husband is supposed to make your knees weak with his kiss. A kiss is like a romantic handshake - it's your calling card. If a kiss is rushed too soon, or too sloppy, or too hungry, the effect is the same as a weak or too-friendly handshake... we're turned off.

You guys probably think we are crazy. But this is how we come up with the assumption. A good kisser makes a good lover because a good kisser is soft, gentle and patient. He pays attention to the woman’s responses, takes his time to find out what she wants and makes her feel, special, wanted and desired.

From my own personal experience, I probably judge a man by the way he kiss me. If you're a bad kisser...that's probably the last time I'll see you. But then if he is selfish, rude, controlling, immature or only cares about his needs...I don't care how great a kisser you are, Adios!

Us women expect the men to have the ability to express himself sexually through kissing.

But I personally don't judge whether a man will be a good lover based on the way he kisses. I judge a man on whether he is paying attention to me based on how he kisses. I judge whether he is actually a good man to be with, both physically and emotionally.

Don't laugh but I'm a woman who likes to control the first kiss. I don't think a man knows how a woman likes to be kissed until he actually kisses her. So, for me, a man must allow me to show him how I like to be kissed by letting me kiss him. That way, he knows how my mouth moves, when it opens to allow a deeper kiss, and how my body acts during the kiss. A man who takes his time, is patient, and willing to allow me to get accustomed to him, his body, on my own terms, is a man for whom I could definitely find myself making breakfast.

Great tips for men: The key is to be soft and gentle. And if you don't have a clue... follow the woman's lead. Try kissing her as she does you. Generally women will use techniques that would feel good to them on you, and hope for the same.


For me a good kiss doesn't involve a lot of tongue. Don't get me wrong. A little tongue is not bad. I just hate when a man uses his tongue more than he kisses with his lips, that is why it's called kissing, not tonguing!



Good kissing is relative to how much you desire him, and how passionate he feels towards you. It shouldn't, however, be base to proceed or end a relationship. I had great kissers who turned out to be horrible boyfriends.

Keep in mind ladies, nobody is perfect; a bad kisser could have a brilliant personality, and vice versa. If he is good then I'll feel more comfortable with him, therefore making the grounds of the relationship firmer. But if he is considerably bad, then I must admit, it would refrain me from kissing him too often, and I would be tense when he tried. Therefore the relationship would probably never happen the way it would of if he was good.

Yes, I do judge a man's "lover potential" on how he kisses. I can't imagine a man who is an exciting, passionate and adventurous kisser NOT also being an exciting, passionate and adventurous lover... and vice versa. It does make sense right?

I'm not sure if I judge someone's sexual abilities by their kissing; I judge sexual abilities more by what they say and how they dance. If he's selfish, rude, talks about himself, he cares about his own feelings/satisfaction. If he asks about you, he's more likely to be a sensitive lover. And please note size is, honestly, irrelevant.

So guys pucker up and make a good impression!!

What Do Men Want in a Woman

I realize it's 10:26 P.M. right now and it's pretty late. But I figured I should do this post before it erase on my mind tomorrow. I had Korean BBQ with my friend Tony T Nguyen tonight. He mentioned about my blog and it strikes me! My blog was pretty much geared toward women and their perspectives. So here it is for the men!

My blog tonight is "What do men want in a woman?". These are truly my golden rules for what men wants in a woman. Listen ladies and grab a notepad and a pen. Follow these rules and I'm pretty sure the men will not let you go :)

Rule # 1: SEX

That's right ladies. SEX. Let's be mature here. We are all adults. We can deny this subject. Let's not pretend and blush about this topic. Let's not be surprised either. Men are truly a different animal when it comes to sex. Men craves sex...they need it often. Believe it or not, it completes their souls. Hot, sweaty, crazy sex! Of course love-making in the bedroom is great...but sometimes men just like a woman in charge and let her inner beast take the lead. What does it mean for you ladies? Change in scenario or techniques add a little spice to the bedroom romance...keeps him begging for more ;)

Rule # 2: COMPANIONSHIP


In the beginning of every relationship...we do this women: smitten and love-struck. We do whatever it takes in order to be close to him. You stay up late at night to keep him company when he is trying to finish his project. He attend to all of his boring events. You might have even handed him greasy wrenches as he changed out the brake pads on his car.

So What happen now? You are now comfortable with him...he is on his own, right? He stop seeing you by his side. You're not there supporting his causes. You're in the air-conditioned mall, spending money. This is a big mistake, parting ways like that, and it can truly damage a relationship.

Men craves for companionship. Your man enjoyed your company back then, and he still does today. Just like he joined that boring cooking class with you or learned to salsa when you asked him to. Granted, he should enjoy occasional time out alone with his male friends. But most of the time, he just needs you by his side.

Rule of thumb: Just be with him. He needs your friendship and loves to share his adventures with you. Be his friend and bond with him.

Rule # 3: Confidence Booster


He like his ego to be stroke! They appear tough-skinned on the outside, but most men are secretly tender-hearted on the inside. They need that boost, encouragement, compliment from the women they love. Treat your man with honor and respect. Hold your tongue when you're angry and avoid attacking him on his weakness.

Never make fun or tease a man about his masculinity, wage-earning power, physical strength, sports skills, or... most importantly... his sexual prowess.

Most importantly, make him feel like he is your world.

Rule # 4: Loyalty

I cannot stress this out enough women!! It goes without saying that a man really wants a woman who he can trust will be faithful to him.

Never break the trust, no matter how tempted, or things will never be the same in your relationship, emotionally or spiritually. Once this trust is broken, it will never be the same.

Loyalty also means be by his side at all times...the good or the rough times. Don't flake out when things are going downhill for him. Never run him down to others, or reveal his faults or secrets. Champion your guy. Praise him to others.

What a man really wants deep down inside is a woman who will always be his loyal partner, even through the rough times.

Rule # 5: A Trophy

What does this mean? You need to be his Angelina Jolie. What a man really, secretly craves is to walk into a party with a hot trophy on his arm! Nothing strokes a man's ego or wins him more points in the eyes of other men like having an attractive woman at his side.

There are few things that show a man you care more than helping him present an attractive face to the world. It will actually help boost up his confidence too :)

Rule #6: A Home

I know this is going to kinda hurt a little bit for majority of women. Most modern men have gotten the message loud and clear that women are no longer multi-tasking slaves, willing to work all day then come home and tackle all the domestic chores, too.

But in reality, what a man really wants is a woman to take charge of the home and children; to organize and coordinate, even delegate. Men really don't want to be bothered with all that, even if they are willing to pitch in and help.

So there you have it.... what a man secretly wants is to come home to a clean, quiet house, a delicious soulful dinner, and a warm friendly face. So roll out the welcome mat for him and embrace him with love.





So there you have it ladies...use it, embrace it, and follow it.

I'm Maria and I'm signing off :) Goodnight everyone!

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Why We Shouldn't Rush in Relationship...

"..........." <----- This is what was going on my mind last night after I got off the phone with a friend. Pure blank. "What is love?"


I started to soul-search last night of everything about myself. Who I want to be and where I want to go. I know many use the term "mid-life crisis"...but what about those who are too young for that..."early-life crisis" maybe?

I reflected much on my past failed relationships. I was young, naieve, and eagered to search the true mystery of what in life we called, "love". I thought at a really early age that I grasped that understanding. But I didn't...and I drown.

My fellow readers are probably wondering what the hell I am talking about. My tips for you today is to hold on to yourself...you are not ready. And if you think you are ready, you are not. Just being in any kind of relationship is not the way to do it.

There are times you feel alone and you need to reach out for someone, but don't. You must love yourself first. You must find satisfaction within yourself first. You must committ to yourself first before anyone else.

People always think that I been through a lot of ups and downs in my relationship that I should be prepared to face another one. And to honest of truth...each relationship that I come out of, I only learned one thing: I have a lot of growing up to do.

From the time I was 17, I was never single. Within 8 years I have 3 boyfriends back to back. Now that I have been single for awhile, I realize I rushed into things. I was not ready. I have not fully mature enough to take such responsibilities of a committed relationship. I don't need a man to make me happy. I don't need a man to tell me who I am. Do I regret the decisions I made? No. In fact, I appreciated them very well. I came far from where I started...but I'm not even halfway where I needed.

After moving to Los Angeles, I learn a lot of things I value a lot:

Before, I focused a lot of in the future of having a family. Now I learn I shouldn't schedule my life on something that hasn't exist yet. Women, always improve yourself. Never let go of yourself. Your body and mind is your key weapon to finding happiness. At the end of the day...the only person you going to report to is yourself. Don't let anyone define who you are.


I realized that I am not ready to settle down and make a committment until I truly knows what makes me happy. So my advice to you,don't rush into settling down. Don't rush to make a committment until you know you are ready. Trust me sweetheart, you got a long road ahead of you.

Friday, March 26, 2010

Is He a Keeper??

Dana_Ren88 asked:

I have been dating this guy for about 2.5 months now. I really think he has many great qualities. I do get to see him once or twice a week. We do occasional text messages often, but it was me who iniates most of the texts. We really don't talk on the phone because he don't call and I don't want to call him cause I think he is always busy. He never brought up the idea of bringing the relationship to the next level. Do you think this relationship is going anywhere? Is he a keeper?"




First of all, I apologize I haven't been updating my blog. I have been so busy settling down. But I do appreciate the questions people are sending me and I am trying my best to answer them as best to my ability. But guys, feel free to ask any question or request any personal advice. You can email me at:

nga_t_truong@yahoo.com

or message me on my facebook at :

www.facebook.com/nga.t.truong


---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Dana_Ren88:

This is one of those things that I will have to recommend you to use your best judgment and decide is he a keeper to you. It is scary in this world knowing there are guys out there who use our weak hearts to their advantage. The time and emotion invested in those jerks can be traumatizing.

You can conveyed his interest by a look, a touch, a compliment or attention to detail. It should be backed up by his willingness to make a plan and move the relationship forward. Let them make that decision on their own. You have no power in that area. When he is ready to take it to the next level, he will let you know. But your biggest concern is are you wasting your time waiting for someone who is just slightly interested in you. I will tell you that texting is not the true contact because he cannot touch you, see you, or get to know you.

If you guys are dating for 2 1/2 months now. And each week is between one to two physical contacts...(thinking of the equation in my head)... between 10-20 physical contacts. That's really not a whole lotta time spent together.

A healthy relationship are based upon mutual give and take. If the only thing that you are getting out of this relationship is text messages, e-mails or occasional plans, you are not getting what you need. Trust me, if he is really interested in you and want more than just friendship...he will give you all the attention you need. I will advise you if you think he is stringing you along, he probably is.

So how can a woman tell if the guy she is dating is a keeper or is just waiting to move on to the next conquest?

In the beginning, guys are on the prowl in search of the opposite attraction. They
have an uncanny ability to be charming and oh-so-romantic, say all the right things to woo you and even do things they’ll never do again once you’re together — like cook dinner and bring you flowers. Men play on a woman’s wishful thinking when they are on the prowl.

But I'll try to break down the basic of what I labeled as a "keeper":

1. He has at least one serious relationship. Even better, he and his ex are still on decent terms — but not too close.

2. He is an achiever. He seem to has his act and career together.

3. He is a family guy. Does he has a good relationship with his parents or siblings?

4. He is a good friend. He has strong friendships, has introduced you to some of his friends and you like them.

5. He is a good listener. He pays attention to what you tell him and actually take interest.

6. He is intelligent to your level. He should be as smart as you to comprehend your references and jokes.

7. He is reliable. Do you feel secure with him. Is his words gold? Can you count on him?

8. He is a gentlemen. Is he considerate? Has he offended you in any ways? Does he respect your wish not to pressure you to do things (i.e. sex). Is he polite to others?

9. He is a potential life mate. He is committed to the relationship, monogamous and seriously interested in seeing where this relationship can go.

Look for a man who is accomplished in life, who is continually generating new opportunities, new skills or new challenges for himself. A keeper should also be a stand-up guy who says what he means and means what he says. I hope this posting has been helpful to all the ladies out there.



May God bless you with joy, love and happiness.
Maria

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Is it wrong to feel disgusted of my partner's naked body?

Sarah asked,


"I used to enjoy sex with him but not anymore. He has become chubby and his ding dong grosses me out nowadays. I don't like his body on top of me or having his ding dong in me, it makes me feel sick, is this wrong?"

To Sarah:

The truth is dear, our body changes constantly as we grow older. There is no difference between men and women. For women, our beach balls inflate and wrinkle. For men, their oscar weiner looks like they have been overheated in the microwave.
I will have to say there is something wrong in your marriage that cause you to start seeing him a new sense of way. When you love someone, you should accept their body as an outershell and reaps the reward of their personality.

I do agreed, when it comes to sex...part of our mind want that physical attraction. But on the serios side, he is your husband. How about you suggest that you two can go to the gym together and take a casual walk anywhere. Most marriages fail because the other partner doesn't try to keep themselves up for the other ones...and lack of attraction can really do damage to a marriage. I know people who gets to comfortable and let themselves go....

So for the words of advice, keep yourself healthy and beautiful for yourself. Love yourself for the mind, body, and soul.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Why Don't Guys Call?

BJ125 asked:

"I had this problem with my boyfriend. The asshole never fucken' called me. I was the one that always had to do the calling. Okay, so maybe I called him a little too much in the beginning, but hey! At least I called and showed him he was on my mind."


After a while ladies...I started not to give a crap about that situation. If a man truly wants you, he will make the time to get a hold of you. Stop calling them.

At one time I remember calling my boyfriend numerous times. I called because I wanted to wish him a good morning, I called because I wanted to wish him a good night, I called just because I wanted to hear his voice. It might sound corny, but it's a sign of love and a women's thing, eh!

It's not fun sitting around your phone waiting for him. You need to live your own life. Don't accomodate your life around his. If he doesn't give you the intention you need, move on. You're just not important to him enough to pick up the phone to let him know you are on his mind....every women need that.

Saturday, March 6, 2010

What qualities do girls look in a guy??

Questions from my friend Turner Knockter:

Girls, what qualities you look in a guy?
Be realistic, describe me the inner and physical qualities you appreciate/want in a man.


Dear Turner Knockter:

This is indeed a very vague question because the target you're asking for range differently with each women. However, I'll try to break down the concept for you.

These are the four qualities attractive women want in a man:
--Good genes, reflected in desirable physical traits
--Economic resources
--The desire to have children and good parenting skills
--Loyalty and devotion

Research from "Sedona Method" have shown that these are the quality traits that women DON'T want in a man:

1. A High-Status Job. While women do like men who are attractive, a study published in the Personality and Individual Differences journal found that women prefer attractive men with mediocre -- NOT high-status -- jobs.

"We suggest that females see physically attractive, high-status males as being more likely to pursue a mating strategy rather than a parenting strategy," the lead researcher said.

2. A Very Masculine Macho Man. Women do like masculinity, but a study by University of Chicago and University of California researchers found that they like it more for a fling than a long-term partner. Child-friendly men were voted much more desirable for the long-term than those with masculine traits.

"Our results … show that women value masculinity as a desirable trait for short-term relationships and interest in infants as a desirable trait for more stable long-term relationships," the researchers said.

3. A “Bad Boy.” Women all want the hard-to-get man with an attitude in the black leather jacket … or so the myth goes. In reality, when it comes to a long-term relationship the majority of women (79 percent) would prefer dating a man who is “slow and steady” versus one who is a bad boy, according to a Harlequin survey of over 1,000 women.

4. A Man Who’s Opposite of Their Father. In reality, women actually tend to marry men who look like their own fathers, according to a study by researchers at the University of Pécs in Hungary. They suggest that people make a "mental model" of their opposite-sex parent's appearance, and then seek out that appearance later in life.

BUT THESE ARE MY BASIC RULES OF I THINK IN GENERAL WOMEN WANTS IN A MAN:


1. AFFECTION-
Guys, as much as you want, need and treasure sex; women feel just as strongly about affection! Honest!

Women really do crave is tenderness and affection. Hugging, kissing, sweet words and gentle caresses are what they need. In providing plenty of TLC, you fulfill a basic, primeval need that all women have.

2. TALK

Most guys just dread serious conversations with their girl. It's their nature. Boys are taught in childhood not to reveal their deepest feelings or display emotions openly. But women can gush non-stop about their innermost private thoughts!

Here's a little secret for you... women really are not asking you to change your nature and "tell all". What they really want from a man is not TALK at all, but LISTEN. What happens to a woman is this... she lets things build up inside until she comes to a flash point... Then she must ventilate! So don't take it personally. By letting you know how she feels and where she stands, a woman feels validated, important.

The lesson here? When your woman wants to "talk", more than likely she wants to do the talking. All you have to do is listen! Don't try to talk her out of her opinions, don't try to offer unsolicited advice, and above all, don't make light of her problems or tell her to quit worrying. Just listen and let the raging beast run it's course! That's all you have to do. Really.

3. ROMANCE

Romance, like affection, is another thing men don't think is very important, but women prize highly. You'd be surprised at just how deeply a girl's heart is touched by romantic gestures and thoughtful gifts.

So you rarely (or never) get her flowers? Then think about this... when her co-worker at the office gets a dozen red roses, and she never does, you've lost, brother! Your girl is secretly hurt and envious, and thinks, "I sure wish my guy was romantic like that".

4. INTEGRITY

Integrity means to women exactly what it sounds like. Women really want a man who is kind to her, nice to other people, and doesn't lie, cheat or steal. She wants a man she can look up to like she did her father.

5. COMPLIMENTS

This one is easy, but so often overlooked by men.

Does she look cute in that new sundress? Do you just love it when she brushes out her clean, shiny hair? Has she been working hard to lose that extra 10 pounds? Do you appreciate it when she brings home a quart of your favorite Rocky Road Ice Cream? Then tell her, dummy!

Compliment your woman, often and well. Look for the good things, the bright spots. Dwell on what she does right. Let her know when you admire how she looks.

Most women secretly have a self-esteem problem. They often doubt themselves, and it doesn't take much for worry and doubt to kick in! When that cute young thing at the mall smiles at you, your woman goes into instant self-doubt mode, and warning bells start ringing in her head.

You have to let her know she's still number one with you, by complimenting and reassuring her. It's important.

So what does a woman really want in a man? One who appreciates her, and is not afraid to tell her so...

Why do girls go for the bad guys??

My friend "Born to be Stupid" asked:

"Why do girls go for bad guys even though they know it's a big risk?
A lot of them admit that it's not the best choice to go for bad guys yet they still want to take the risk. Why?"


Dear Born to be Stupid,

Here's the following reason why girls go for the bad guys:

1) Girls are attracted to bad guys because they see them as a challenge to her and she may think that he has what it takes to go against the world together.

2)The main reason girls are attracted to bad guys is the same reason that bad guys are attracted to good girls. There is something there that makes them build each other up because what is lacking in one is found in the other. Sometimes these relationships do not work out however.

3)Depending on the girl's age also plays a factor in it. Younger girls still thrilled with excitment...doing the "bad" things.

ADIVCE:

My advice to you is be yourself. You can never go wrong with it. As women mature, they tend to aim for more "good" guy type...you know, the clean cute and handsome type. So just work on improving yourself and you will be a good catch in the future ;)

SoulMate???

I randomly searching through questions people have posted and I noticed one that particularly jumps at me by Maxxspeed:

"How can i find my soul mate?"

As always, this question is open for discussion.

The universe has it own magical way of putting things in place. And this my friend, is one of it. How can you find your soulmate? You never know if she already entered your life, but you are unaware of it...or she just hasn't arrive yet. But when that time come, trust me, you will feel it in your heart. Until then, patient is the key to everything.

"Better things will come to those who wait".

But however, I can help you sort out the prospective of who is a likely soulmate. This is my ideal path to finding my other half:

My ideal steps to finding my other half:

#1. FRIENDSHIP - To meet a person who really values the true meaning of Friendship. Numerous people take friendship for granted; however, a true friendship is difficult to find and even more difficult to keep. My BEST friend would be my ideal Lover.

#2. LOVERS - To know each other in the most intimate way possible mentally, physically and spiritually on the road to becoming Soulmates.

#3. SOULMATES - To have a mutual feeling of deep and natural affinity, love, intimacy, sexuality, spirituality, and compatibility.

I hope this help you out a little bit!!
Happy Hunting :)