Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Why We Shouldn't Rush in Relationship...

"..........." <----- This is what was going on my mind last night after I got off the phone with a friend. Pure blank. "What is love?"

I started to soul-search last night of everything about myself. Who I want to be and where I want to go. I know many use the term "mid-life crisis"...but what about those who are too young for that..."early-life crisis" maybe?

I reflected much on my past failed relationships. I was young, naieve, and eagered to search the true mystery of what in life we called, "love". I thought at a really early age that I grasped that understanding. But I didn't...and I drown.

My fellow readers are probably wondering what the hell I am talking about. My tips for you today is to hold on to are not ready. And if you think you are ready, you are not. Just being in any kind of relationship is not the way to do it.

There are times you feel alone and you need to reach out for someone, but don't. You must love yourself first. You must find satisfaction within yourself first. You must committ to yourself first before anyone else.

People always think that I been through a lot of ups and downs in my relationship that I should be prepared to face another one. And to honest of truth...each relationship that I come out of, I only learned one thing: I have a lot of growing up to do.

From the time I was 17, I was never single. Within 8 years I have 3 boyfriends back to back. Now that I have been single for awhile, I realize I rushed into things. I was not ready. I have not fully mature enough to take such responsibilities of a committed relationship. I don't need a man to make me happy. I don't need a man to tell me who I am. Do I regret the decisions I made? No. In fact, I appreciated them very well. I came far from where I started...but I'm not even halfway where I needed.

After moving to Los Angeles, I learn a lot of things I value a lot:

Before, I focused a lot of in the future of having a family. Now I learn I shouldn't schedule my life on something that hasn't exist yet. Women, always improve yourself. Never let go of yourself. Your body and mind is your key weapon to finding happiness. At the end of the day...the only person you going to report to is yourself. Don't let anyone define who you are.

I realized that I am not ready to settle down and make a committment until I truly knows what makes me happy. So my advice to you,don't rush into settling down. Don't rush to make a committment until you know you are ready. Trust me sweetheart, you got a long road ahead of you.

Friday, March 26, 2010

Is He a Keeper??

Dana_Ren88 asked:

I have been dating this guy for about 2.5 months now. I really think he has many great qualities. I do get to see him once or twice a week. We do occasional text messages often, but it was me who iniates most of the texts. We really don't talk on the phone because he don't call and I don't want to call him cause I think he is always busy. He never brought up the idea of bringing the relationship to the next level. Do you think this relationship is going anywhere? Is he a keeper?"

First of all, I apologize I haven't been updating my blog. I have been so busy settling down. But I do appreciate the questions people are sending me and I am trying my best to answer them as best to my ability. But guys, feel free to ask any question or request any personal advice. You can email me at:

or message me on my facebook at :


Dear Dana_Ren88:

This is one of those things that I will have to recommend you to use your best judgment and decide is he a keeper to you. It is scary in this world knowing there are guys out there who use our weak hearts to their advantage. The time and emotion invested in those jerks can be traumatizing.

You can conveyed his interest by a look, a touch, a compliment or attention to detail. It should be backed up by his willingness to make a plan and move the relationship forward. Let them make that decision on their own. You have no power in that area. When he is ready to take it to the next level, he will let you know. But your biggest concern is are you wasting your time waiting for someone who is just slightly interested in you. I will tell you that texting is not the true contact because he cannot touch you, see you, or get to know you.

If you guys are dating for 2 1/2 months now. And each week is between one to two physical contacts...(thinking of the equation in my head)... between 10-20 physical contacts. That's really not a whole lotta time spent together.

A healthy relationship are based upon mutual give and take. If the only thing that you are getting out of this relationship is text messages, e-mails or occasional plans, you are not getting what you need. Trust me, if he is really interested in you and want more than just friendship...he will give you all the attention you need. I will advise you if you think he is stringing you along, he probably is.

So how can a woman tell if the guy she is dating is a keeper or is just waiting to move on to the next conquest?

In the beginning, guys are on the prowl in search of the opposite attraction. They
have an uncanny ability to be charming and oh-so-romantic, say all the right things to woo you and even do things they’ll never do again once you’re together — like cook dinner and bring you flowers. Men play on a woman’s wishful thinking when they are on the prowl.

But I'll try to break down the basic of what I labeled as a "keeper":

1. He has at least one serious relationship. Even better, he and his ex are still on decent terms — but not too close.

2. He is an achiever. He seem to has his act and career together.

3. He is a family guy. Does he has a good relationship with his parents or siblings?

4. He is a good friend. He has strong friendships, has introduced you to some of his friends and you like them.

5. He is a good listener. He pays attention to what you tell him and actually take interest.

6. He is intelligent to your level. He should be as smart as you to comprehend your references and jokes.

7. He is reliable. Do you feel secure with him. Is his words gold? Can you count on him?

8. He is a gentlemen. Is he considerate? Has he offended you in any ways? Does he respect your wish not to pressure you to do things (i.e. sex). Is he polite to others?

9. He is a potential life mate. He is committed to the relationship, monogamous and seriously interested in seeing where this relationship can go.

Look for a man who is accomplished in life, who is continually generating new opportunities, new skills or new challenges for himself. A keeper should also be a stand-up guy who says what he means and means what he says. I hope this posting has been helpful to all the ladies out there.

May God bless you with joy, love and happiness.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Is it wrong to feel disgusted of my partner's naked body?

Sarah asked,

"I used to enjoy sex with him but not anymore. He has become chubby and his ding dong grosses me out nowadays. I don't like his body on top of me or having his ding dong in me, it makes me feel sick, is this wrong?"

To Sarah:

The truth is dear, our body changes constantly as we grow older. There is no difference between men and women. For women, our beach balls inflate and wrinkle. For men, their oscar weiner looks like they have been overheated in the microwave.
I will have to say there is something wrong in your marriage that cause you to start seeing him a new sense of way. When you love someone, you should accept their body as an outershell and reaps the reward of their personality.

I do agreed, when it comes to sex...part of our mind want that physical attraction. But on the serios side, he is your husband. How about you suggest that you two can go to the gym together and take a casual walk anywhere. Most marriages fail because the other partner doesn't try to keep themselves up for the other ones...and lack of attraction can really do damage to a marriage. I know people who gets to comfortable and let themselves go....

So for the words of advice, keep yourself healthy and beautiful for yourself. Love yourself for the mind, body, and soul.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Why Don't Guys Call?

BJ125 asked:

"I had this problem with my boyfriend. The asshole never fucken' called me. I was the one that always had to do the calling. Okay, so maybe I called him a little too much in the beginning, but hey! At least I called and showed him he was on my mind."

After a while ladies...I started not to give a crap about that situation. If a man truly wants you, he will make the time to get a hold of you. Stop calling them.

At one time I remember calling my boyfriend numerous times. I called because I wanted to wish him a good morning, I called because I wanted to wish him a good night, I called just because I wanted to hear his voice. It might sound corny, but it's a sign of love and a women's thing, eh!

It's not fun sitting around your phone waiting for him. You need to live your own life. Don't accomodate your life around his. If he doesn't give you the intention you need, move on. You're just not important to him enough to pick up the phone to let him know you are on his mind....every women need that.

Saturday, March 6, 2010

What qualities do girls look in a guy??

Questions from my friend Turner Knockter:

Girls, what qualities you look in a guy?
Be realistic, describe me the inner and physical qualities you appreciate/want in a man.

Dear Turner Knockter:

This is indeed a very vague question because the target you're asking for range differently with each women. However, I'll try to break down the concept for you.

These are the four qualities attractive women want in a man:
--Good genes, reflected in desirable physical traits
--Economic resources
--The desire to have children and good parenting skills
--Loyalty and devotion

Research from "Sedona Method" have shown that these are the quality traits that women DON'T want in a man:

1. A High-Status Job. While women do like men who are attractive, a study published in the Personality and Individual Differences journal found that women prefer attractive men with mediocre -- NOT high-status -- jobs.

"We suggest that females see physically attractive, high-status males as being more likely to pursue a mating strategy rather than a parenting strategy," the lead researcher said.

2. A Very Masculine Macho Man. Women do like masculinity, but a study by University of Chicago and University of California researchers found that they like it more for a fling than a long-term partner. Child-friendly men were voted much more desirable for the long-term than those with masculine traits.

"Our results … show that women value masculinity as a desirable trait for short-term relationships and interest in infants as a desirable trait for more stable long-term relationships," the researchers said.

3. A “Bad Boy.” Women all want the hard-to-get man with an attitude in the black leather jacket … or so the myth goes. In reality, when it comes to a long-term relationship the majority of women (79 percent) would prefer dating a man who is “slow and steady” versus one who is a bad boy, according to a Harlequin survey of over 1,000 women.

4. A Man Who’s Opposite of Their Father. In reality, women actually tend to marry men who look like their own fathers, according to a study by researchers at the University of Pécs in Hungary. They suggest that people make a "mental model" of their opposite-sex parent's appearance, and then seek out that appearance later in life.


Guys, as much as you want, need and treasure sex; women feel just as strongly about affection! Honest!

Women really do crave is tenderness and affection. Hugging, kissing, sweet words and gentle caresses are what they need. In providing plenty of TLC, you fulfill a basic, primeval need that all women have.


Most guys just dread serious conversations with their girl. It's their nature. Boys are taught in childhood not to reveal their deepest feelings or display emotions openly. But women can gush non-stop about their innermost private thoughts!

Here's a little secret for you... women really are not asking you to change your nature and "tell all". What they really want from a man is not TALK at all, but LISTEN. What happens to a woman is this... she lets things build up inside until she comes to a flash point... Then she must ventilate! So don't take it personally. By letting you know how she feels and where she stands, a woman feels validated, important.

The lesson here? When your woman wants to "talk", more than likely she wants to do the talking. All you have to do is listen! Don't try to talk her out of her opinions, don't try to offer unsolicited advice, and above all, don't make light of her problems or tell her to quit worrying. Just listen and let the raging beast run it's course! That's all you have to do. Really.


Romance, like affection, is another thing men don't think is very important, but women prize highly. You'd be surprised at just how deeply a girl's heart is touched by romantic gestures and thoughtful gifts.

So you rarely (or never) get her flowers? Then think about this... when her co-worker at the office gets a dozen red roses, and she never does, you've lost, brother! Your girl is secretly hurt and envious, and thinks, "I sure wish my guy was romantic like that".


Integrity means to women exactly what it sounds like. Women really want a man who is kind to her, nice to other people, and doesn't lie, cheat or steal. She wants a man she can look up to like she did her father.


This one is easy, but so often overlooked by men.

Does she look cute in that new sundress? Do you just love it when she brushes out her clean, shiny hair? Has she been working hard to lose that extra 10 pounds? Do you appreciate it when she brings home a quart of your favorite Rocky Road Ice Cream? Then tell her, dummy!

Compliment your woman, often and well. Look for the good things, the bright spots. Dwell on what she does right. Let her know when you admire how she looks.

Most women secretly have a self-esteem problem. They often doubt themselves, and it doesn't take much for worry and doubt to kick in! When that cute young thing at the mall smiles at you, your woman goes into instant self-doubt mode, and warning bells start ringing in her head.

You have to let her know she's still number one with you, by complimenting and reassuring her. It's important.

So what does a woman really want in a man? One who appreciates her, and is not afraid to tell her so...

Why do girls go for the bad guys??

My friend "Born to be Stupid" asked:

"Why do girls go for bad guys even though they know it's a big risk?
A lot of them admit that it's not the best choice to go for bad guys yet they still want to take the risk. Why?"

Dear Born to be Stupid,

Here's the following reason why girls go for the bad guys:

1) Girls are attracted to bad guys because they see them as a challenge to her and she may think that he has what it takes to go against the world together.

2)The main reason girls are attracted to bad guys is the same reason that bad guys are attracted to good girls. There is something there that makes them build each other up because what is lacking in one is found in the other. Sometimes these relationships do not work out however.

3)Depending on the girl's age also plays a factor in it. Younger girls still thrilled with excitment...doing the "bad" things.


My advice to you is be yourself. You can never go wrong with it. As women mature, they tend to aim for more "good" guy know, the clean cute and handsome type. So just work on improving yourself and you will be a good catch in the future ;)


I randomly searching through questions people have posted and I noticed one that particularly jumps at me by Maxxspeed:

"How can i find my soul mate?"

As always, this question is open for discussion.

The universe has it own magical way of putting things in place. And this my friend, is one of it. How can you find your soulmate? You never know if she already entered your life, but you are unaware of it...or she just hasn't arrive yet. But when that time come, trust me, you will feel it in your heart. Until then, patient is the key to everything.

"Better things will come to those who wait".

But however, I can help you sort out the prospective of who is a likely soulmate. This is my ideal path to finding my other half:

My ideal steps to finding my other half:

#1. FRIENDSHIP - To meet a person who really values the true meaning of Friendship. Numerous people take friendship for granted; however, a true friendship is difficult to find and even more difficult to keep. My BEST friend would be my ideal Lover.

#2. LOVERS - To know each other in the most intimate way possible mentally, physically and spiritually on the road to becoming Soulmates.

#3. SOULMATES - To have a mutual feeling of deep and natural affinity, love, intimacy, sexuality, spirituality, and compatibility.

I hope this help you out a little bit!!
Happy Hunting :)