Monday, April 26, 2010

Is She a Keeper?

One of my male reader enjoyed my "Is He a Keeper?" He suggested that I create one for the female version. And here it is guys!! But I think it pretty general for either gender.

1. Does she gets you? Does she gets your sense of humor? Understanding is a key essential to a happy, long relationship. Your relationship will get dull and boring
if you can't learn to laugh together.

2. She is a positive in your life, not negative. She brings out the best of you. She is your number # 1 in everything you do. She encourage you to be a better person. Easily said, she enriches your life and soul.

3. She respects your dreams and passion. Everyone has a personal goal or a passionate dream. She let you find an inner-satisfaction with life. She doesn't nagged you about spending time with her. The ones that is not a whiner, that's someone you want to plan a life with.

But in the end, it's all about how she makes you feel. Do you love being around her? Does she makes you feel special? Go with your feeling and sail along :)

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Should You Reveal the Number of People You have Slept With to Your Current Significant Other?

I have a friend who asked me, "Should you reveal the number of people you have slept with to your current signifcant other?"

My answer is maybe...

The topic has always been a touchy topic to deal with because the conversation can be beneficial or hit a wrong turn to a dead end.

To me, it's more on a case by case situation. How serious are you two now? If you guys are slightly interested and not in the comfortable zone yet, then maybe that topic needed to be save for later when you are both comfortable to discuss it. But it matters when it comes to health and diseases. If you are engaging with someone in an act where you could catch something, you have the right to know. You want to know more in details of their sex partners...did they have unprotected sex? any one nighters?

Other than that, it's all up to you. If they ask, I don't see why you need to lie about it. Experience is never a bad thing in my book, and I would play up being honest and open about your past sexual encounters to aid your current sex life. You should be able to share a different part of yourself with every person that you are intimate with. That is the whole ideal key to a relationship: honesty and open communication. Whether it's a a serious-committed relationship or one-night-stand, the experience is an experience and should not be viewed negatively.

And for those who has tendency to be jealous about someone's past...why?

What's done is done. Why cry over spilled milk? If you see it as a problem, then don't accept them. People should focus more on the "now" time-frame instead of reminiscing and holding grudge about someone's past. Life is how we define things. Let's not let society define what is right or wrong. That is why you have a brain think for yourself right?

Monday, April 12, 2010

What Makes a Man Happy

I just remember last week having this conversation with a friend. He told me that he learn the "secret" of keeping a man happy. He actually learn it from a female friend who has been happily married for a long, long, long time.

Wait for it......

Wait for it......

The secret of "What Makes a Man Happy".....

Wait for it....

Wait for it....

The answer... sandwhiches and blowjobs


How crazy of an answer in that. That just boiled down to food and sex. I guess they were on to something when they said, "The best way to a man's heart is to his stomach". And it's already a given that men like BJs.

I guess what I'm trying to say that men are not complicated. They live a more simple, less-complicated lives.

But men are not just that simple...that what separate them from animals. Funny, my friend has this formula that rate a woman of how of a girlfriend quality she is:

YOUR HOTNESS RATING minus YOUR ANNOYING RATING minus YOUR PSYCHO RATING = how well you stack up as a girlfriend.

Beside food & sex, I believe men need this to make them happy:

1. His "Me" time: Women, please know when to back off. When a man has to ask for his space, resentment is going to flair up. You don't have to be with them 24/7. Keep a little mystery between the two of you. Men like to know their girlfriends have lives of their own too. It is important in relationship that you do not define yourself with your boyfriend (especially early on in the stage). NOTE THIS GIRLS: Girls who are independent and have their own lives are way more attractive.

2. Be Open and Honest: Stop playing mind-games with men. They are not mind-readers. They don't know what you are thinking unless you directly tells them. If they ask and you reply that nothing is wrong...they truly will think nothing is wrong. Even if they knew something is wrong, they are not going to pursue it. Why? It takes too much work and guys are SIMPLE (remember?) So instead of holding your emotions or resentment of against your man, just tell him. But in a more mature and calmly manner. He will totally appreciate the honesty and how easy it is to communicate with you. In the emotional realm, simple communication goes a long way. If he is making you happy, let him know! If he’s not, let him know also, but in a way that invites constructive communication.

3. Give Friendly Gesture: Friendly gestures do go a long way ladies...and men appreciate it. Any kind of act of kindness will put your man's head in a spin. It shows you have thought about him..and no, it does not make you weak or submissive. For example, I remember I did this before for one my of boyfriend. He was extremely busy trying to finish a project before the deadline. I haven't seen in for a week. I left a basket of snacks for him at his front door, ring the doorbell, and left. By the time he opened the door, I was already gone. He called me to come back. I told him that his work is important and he needed to get his work done first...he and I can play later. Now we are not together, he mentioned to me that that friendly gesture still lingers on with him til this day. A man will definitely appreciate the extra distance you have gone for him. Any general kindness, without any expectation in return, will work wonders on a man's mood. Plus, it allows him the resulting happiness with none other than the caring woman who made it all possible. We want our men to be our prince charming...why can't he ask for the "girl next door"?

4. Look Pretty. Men are visual. They like to see they are happily in love with the same woman they fell in love before. Keep yourself maintained! Physically and mentally! Who wants to be with a slob that has low self-esteem.

Thank you for your support

I want to thank you for one of my reader yesterday who actually take the time to message me on yahoo to expressed her appreciation for my blog. And I want to thank you her very much for her appreciation and support. I love to talk to those who support my work. And I also love to chat with those who disagree with my work. Either way, I love talking :)

And I would like to take the time to thank you each of my readers who actually take the time to send me questions and requests. It shows that you value my opinions and feel that I am certified enough to give you advice lol!

For the most part, this blog was started out intentionally to express my opinion on the dating world. I try my best to emphasize in my posts that these are "general" or "from my experience". Everyone is different and my opinions does not relate to everyone. However, take my advice as a grain of salt and use it to however you think you can.

And again, feel free to reach out and contact me for some personal advice. Even if you want to comment how horrible of a job I am doing...shoot. I will try my best to answer them. Keep in mind if I feel that your questions are good, I will post them with the answer. Feel free to request a made-up name so I can use it in my blog.

You can get a hold of me at my personal email at: (yahoo msn)

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Who Should Pay For the 1st, 2nd, and 3rd Date?

As my readers know, I like to sometime post random thoughts that come to my mind when the lightbulb goes off! As I was chatting with one of my guy friends late last night who was teaching me Quickbook. He and I trailed off into different topic about dating in general...and we talked for hours!!

This topic is meant to be in general for both men and women. I'm going into the mindset of how a man thinks and how a woman thinks. Feel free to correct me if I am wrong or feel free to comment me on how you feel with the comment box.

Men, let me talk to you for a sec...

If you are interested in her, pay for the first and second date.And guys, there's nothing going to impress a woman more than you paying for the first and second date. I know this may sound like a feminist advice, but however, it's true. Here is a few reason why men:

A. It shows you can lead. My opinion on a guy is who can't take a small step such as just paying for a meal is pretty much he lack leadership in other areas. Us women, we can lead ourselves, but we just don't want to lead you too. Be a man and grows some balls.

B. It's a turn off for us women. To us, it's not about money guys. This is about kind of a chilvarly thing. To me, if you can't pay for something as cheap as a meal, then that's pretty pathetic. (Well, this depend on how cheap the meal is...but in general, I'm a cheap date). Why do I think that way? Consider the fact how often women buy or do things for men. I personally buy loads of stuff for the men in my life, cook dinners and take care of his essential living needs. I don't sit there and keep a tab and etc. on it. We spend loads of time shopping for your birthday and holiday gifts -- it shouldn't be about the money. It should be about wanting to be chivalrous! If I am not worth for a price of a meal, you might not think I worthy of anything.

C. It shows you have standard and the ability to provide. This let us know you have values of some kind. You can hold yourself accountable for somethings. How we preceive the prospective relationship by the facts about the first date. Ok, if you let her pay her meal...she will thinks that she will do all the paying from here on out once you guys get serious. Some guys don't want that kind of burden of taking care of a woman. So what make you think us women want that burden too? Who would want that headache? I can't emphasize enough that its not about the money!! If you make her feel like a burden on the first date, her mind will suggest she find somene who doesn't.

I think the man should pay even if he believes he will never date her again simply out of gratitude for the opportunity to learn from her. She took the time out of her life to say "yes" to the first date even if things didn't work out. The only way you would force her to pay her part was if she was a TOTAL Bitch or if she would be insulted if you didn't let her.

It has been my experience that a woman almost always wants the man to pay. If she doesn't want to let you pay, it means that she doesn't want to feel obligated to you in any way. If she doesn't want to feel obligated to you, she probably isn't interested in you or has serious baggage.

Ladies, I have the talk with the men. It's your turn.

I think it will be nice if you offer to pay for the first date, but try not to pay the first date. Why? Here is why:

Men are wired to have a sense of duty to provide. When women offer to pay for the first date, they're taking that away from the man. They're unknowingly emasculating him. Men like to feel like he is a bread-winner. And even the best feminist man will still get rankled if a woman wants to show off her alpha-ness to her date.

I will suggest to make it easier on the guy is if he let you pick the place, be nice and pick a place that is free or low-cost for the first date such a simple coffee, afternoon movies, walking the beaches, etc.

What about the second date?

If you are on the second date and it's dinner, generally speaking, the man will offer to pay. And I highly recommend to the women to graciously accept and let him pay. Why? That will not go on forever. So enjoy it a little bit.

Now what if he did pay for a very lavish dinner, but you're not planning to see him again? WOMEN, I CAN'T EMPHASIZE ENOUGH! ALWAYS, ALWAYS, thank you him for the dinner and his time. His time and money are just as precious as yours too. We can at least have the decency to do that.

So on the 2nd date and you like what you what? This is where the fine line of the feminist ends. Thank you him for such a lovely dinner and suggest to pay for the next one. Why you might ask?

1. It shows that you are not feminist to the point that a guy will always pay for the meal. You can't expect after a 2nd date that this man will continue to pay for you now on. Seriously, this is a new generation ladies. So it does show that you want to contribute into this "watchamacallit" and you're not going to be freeloading off of him. It shows you are willing to contribute into a relationship.

2. Second, it tells him you want to see him again. If you are on a budget, cook for him. I guaranteed you that guys will appreciate the effort it takes to plan a home-cook meal (even though your cooking is horrible). But the point is, it shows that you like him enough to go out the way.

I hope this post been helpful to everyone. Now, go out there and date!

Sunday, April 4, 2010

I need to know its really worth leaving ?

Sunny asked,

"Are there really good guys out there? I don't want to be alone , But I am so sad in my relationship ! I was alone a long time before I met him , He used to be good but now he is so mean and angry . I want to leave some-day's but It is so hard ! Why did it have to be like this ? Is there anyone out there who has been in my situation and stayed and things where okay ? Did you leave ? And are better now ? Are there guys who can love you and treat you right ?"

Hi Sunny,

I can totally relate to your question so much in so many different level. I used to be in a verbally abusive relationship for four years. The way he talked to me was very hurtful. And many times I felt disrespected. And you ask why did it last so long? Because I stayed hoping he will change and things will get better. But trust me, it won't. If you are unhappy in your relationship, you must speak up. Tell him how you feel and how you're hurt. If he valued and love you, he will open up to you. He will tell you why he is acting this way. But if you don't get anything when you are trying to communicate with him, leave.

By the sound of it, you are ready for an out. And you have a good reason to leave him. No man should be angry and hurtful toward anyone; especially to the person he love. I don't really know much about the details of your relationship, but it sound like it can get violent if things don't change. Don't give him any excuse of the way he behave toward you.

There are good men out there. REAL men respects women. PERIOD. Take your time and don't be afraid to wander out and seek happiness. Being alone can be devastating. But we as women are strong! I suggest you read my blog of "why shouldn't you rushing into a relationship". It will give you the insight that you must learn to have confidence that you can be independent. No man will respect you if you can't respect yourself. No man will love you if you can't learn to love yourself first. You must deep dig and find out what truly makes you happy before entering another relationship. By building such strengths for yourself, it will make you strong and beautiful.


*Below is the our Hannibal Code in Men*

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.

Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.

Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.

Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be.

Slower is better.

Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.

If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve, then heck no, you can't "be friends". A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.

Don't settle.

If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.

Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.

The only person you can control in a relationship is you.

Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?

Always have your own set of friends separate from his.

Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you.

If something bothers you, speak up.

Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.

You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within.

Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are... even if he has more education or in a better job.

Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.

Never let a man define who you are.

Never borrow someone else's man. If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.

A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.

All men are NOT dogs.

You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is two way street.

You need time to heal between relationships... there is nothing cute about baggage... deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.

You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you... a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals... look for someone complimentary...not supplementary. Dating is fun... even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.

Make him miss you sometimes... when a man always know where you are, and you're always readily available to him - he takes it for granted.

Never move into his mother's house.

Never co-sign for a man.

Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.

Keep him in your radar but get to know others.

Share this with other women and men (just so they know)'ll make someone smile, another rethink her/his choices, and another woman prepare, and a man aware.

Beginning Dating Mistake for Women

I spent a whole day with my friend today and I had a one-on-one talk about relationship. I have been on this dating scene for quite a while. I have been on a few dates. With each guy, I learn a little bit about myself.

So here I am ladies...going to pour out to you what I think we can defintely do to avoid mistakes in our dating lives.

For some of us, including myself, find the dating part of our lives very confusing and complicating. I was worried in the beginning that if I date a few men casually, then it makes me feel "slutty". But in actually, so far, men actually seem to prefer it that way. They perceive that dating should be fun. Most men complain to me that most woment are looking for a relationship to become serious too soon.

Women, our ultimate goal is to a soul mate. But keep in mind dating is a fun process. Take your time and don't rush into anything. If he is that into you, he'll come around when he is ready to be serious. He will tell you when he want to date you exclusively and ask you not to date other men.

We all do this! And I used to do this too! We are too formulated into details. After or failed relationship, we noticed details of why our relationship ended and vow not to make the same mistakes again. So don't waste your time with a man who isn't ready to commit. The main focus is by doing that, it tooks us months to discover this about this man while ruling out all chances of meeting a man that was a better match for her. So what does that mean for us ladies? The big problem is not that it took months to determine that the man was not ready for commitment, the problem is that the woman didn't keep her options open while she was making this discovery.

If you want to further you understanding on that, I would suggest you reading the book, "You Lost Him at Hello" by Jess McCann. For example. Prospects! Prospects! Prospects! More prospects equal to greater chance of success! If you ever sold anything in your life, you know what I'm talking about. You know that your chances of success are the greatest when you have multiple prospects rather than focusing your time and energy on one prospect. I know that it doesn't seem like it applies to relationship, but it does...cause it's much harder for relationship. The goal of finding a lifetime partner is even more difficult than the sales man who wants to land a big deal.

You would laugh at the idea that a salesman who only pursued one client after one meeting with them, yet we tend to see nothing wrong with the woman who starts dating a man exclusively after only one date. So ladies, PAY ATTENTION!! Dating exclusively so quickly is a mistake.This is a problem for both inexperienced and experienced daters, who not only make this mistake, but continue to make it over and over again.

Thanks for reading my post and good luck women on find your one true love :)

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Can You Really Judge A Man By His Kiss??

As I was browsing through some of the questions my readers sent me, this one sparks my interest the most. Why? I never thought about it before. I jot down some notes and here is my answer. It's actually going to be fun to write this post.

JessM88 asked:

"Can I judge a man's love potential by the way he kiss me?"

Well JessM88, this is a very good question. And you know, it made me pondered for a while and then I giggled. So I'll give it a try.


Men, if you are unaware of it by now, make note of it. Us women, we judge a man's love potential by the way you kiss us. Well here is our equation:

lousy kisser = lousy in bed
great kisser = great lover

Yes, we do rate a man based upon his kiss. It goes back to the old wives tale that your husband is supposed to make your knees weak with his kiss. A kiss is like a romantic handshake - it's your calling card. If a kiss is rushed too soon, or too sloppy, or too hungry, the effect is the same as a weak or too-friendly handshake... we're turned off.

You guys probably think we are crazy. But this is how we come up with the assumption. A good kisser makes a good lover because a good kisser is soft, gentle and patient. He pays attention to the woman’s responses, takes his time to find out what she wants and makes her feel, special, wanted and desired.

From my own personal experience, I probably judge a man by the way he kiss me. If you're a bad kisser...that's probably the last time I'll see you. But then if he is selfish, rude, controlling, immature or only cares about his needs...I don't care how great a kisser you are, Adios!

Us women expect the men to have the ability to express himself sexually through kissing.

But I personally don't judge whether a man will be a good lover based on the way he kisses. I judge a man on whether he is paying attention to me based on how he kisses. I judge whether he is actually a good man to be with, both physically and emotionally.

Don't laugh but I'm a woman who likes to control the first kiss. I don't think a man knows how a woman likes to be kissed until he actually kisses her. So, for me, a man must allow me to show him how I like to be kissed by letting me kiss him. That way, he knows how my mouth moves, when it opens to allow a deeper kiss, and how my body acts during the kiss. A man who takes his time, is patient, and willing to allow me to get accustomed to him, his body, on my own terms, is a man for whom I could definitely find myself making breakfast.

Great tips for men: The key is to be soft and gentle. And if you don't have a clue... follow the woman's lead. Try kissing her as she does you. Generally women will use techniques that would feel good to them on you, and hope for the same.

For me a good kiss doesn't involve a lot of tongue. Don't get me wrong. A little tongue is not bad. I just hate when a man uses his tongue more than he kisses with his lips, that is why it's called kissing, not tonguing!

Good kissing is relative to how much you desire him, and how passionate he feels towards you. It shouldn't, however, be base to proceed or end a relationship. I had great kissers who turned out to be horrible boyfriends.

Keep in mind ladies, nobody is perfect; a bad kisser could have a brilliant personality, and vice versa. If he is good then I'll feel more comfortable with him, therefore making the grounds of the relationship firmer. But if he is considerably bad, then I must admit, it would refrain me from kissing him too often, and I would be tense when he tried. Therefore the relationship would probably never happen the way it would of if he was good.

Yes, I do judge a man's "lover potential" on how he kisses. I can't imagine a man who is an exciting, passionate and adventurous kisser NOT also being an exciting, passionate and adventurous lover... and vice versa. It does make sense right?

I'm not sure if I judge someone's sexual abilities by their kissing; I judge sexual abilities more by what they say and how they dance. If he's selfish, rude, talks about himself, he cares about his own feelings/satisfaction. If he asks about you, he's more likely to be a sensitive lover. And please note size is, honestly, irrelevant.

So guys pucker up and make a good impression!!

What Do Men Want in a Woman

I realize it's 10:26 P.M. right now and it's pretty late. But I figured I should do this post before it erase on my mind tomorrow. I had Korean BBQ with my friend Tony T Nguyen tonight. He mentioned about my blog and it strikes me! My blog was pretty much geared toward women and their perspectives. So here it is for the men!

My blog tonight is "What do men want in a woman?". These are truly my golden rules for what men wants in a woman. Listen ladies and grab a notepad and a pen. Follow these rules and I'm pretty sure the men will not let you go :)

Rule # 1: SEX

That's right ladies. SEX. Let's be mature here. We are all adults. We can deny this subject. Let's not pretend and blush about this topic. Let's not be surprised either. Men are truly a different animal when it comes to sex. Men craves sex...they need it often. Believe it or not, it completes their souls. Hot, sweaty, crazy sex! Of course love-making in the bedroom is great...but sometimes men just like a woman in charge and let her inner beast take the lead. What does it mean for you ladies? Change in scenario or techniques add a little spice to the bedroom romance...keeps him begging for more ;)


In the beginning of every relationship...we do this women: smitten and love-struck. We do whatever it takes in order to be close to him. You stay up late at night to keep him company when he is trying to finish his project. He attend to all of his boring events. You might have even handed him greasy wrenches as he changed out the brake pads on his car.

So What happen now? You are now comfortable with him...he is on his own, right? He stop seeing you by his side. You're not there supporting his causes. You're in the air-conditioned mall, spending money. This is a big mistake, parting ways like that, and it can truly damage a relationship.

Men craves for companionship. Your man enjoyed your company back then, and he still does today. Just like he joined that boring cooking class with you or learned to salsa when you asked him to. Granted, he should enjoy occasional time out alone with his male friends. But most of the time, he just needs you by his side.

Rule of thumb: Just be with him. He needs your friendship and loves to share his adventures with you. Be his friend and bond with him.

Rule # 3: Confidence Booster

He like his ego to be stroke! They appear tough-skinned on the outside, but most men are secretly tender-hearted on the inside. They need that boost, encouragement, compliment from the women they love. Treat your man with honor and respect. Hold your tongue when you're angry and avoid attacking him on his weakness.

Never make fun or tease a man about his masculinity, wage-earning power, physical strength, sports skills, or... most importantly... his sexual prowess.

Most importantly, make him feel like he is your world.

Rule # 4: Loyalty

I cannot stress this out enough women!! It goes without saying that a man really wants a woman who he can trust will be faithful to him.

Never break the trust, no matter how tempted, or things will never be the same in your relationship, emotionally or spiritually. Once this trust is broken, it will never be the same.

Loyalty also means be by his side at all times...the good or the rough times. Don't flake out when things are going downhill for him. Never run him down to others, or reveal his faults or secrets. Champion your guy. Praise him to others.

What a man really wants deep down inside is a woman who will always be his loyal partner, even through the rough times.

Rule # 5: A Trophy

What does this mean? You need to be his Angelina Jolie. What a man really, secretly craves is to walk into a party with a hot trophy on his arm! Nothing strokes a man's ego or wins him more points in the eyes of other men like having an attractive woman at his side.

There are few things that show a man you care more than helping him present an attractive face to the world. It will actually help boost up his confidence too :)

Rule #6: A Home

I know this is going to kinda hurt a little bit for majority of women. Most modern men have gotten the message loud and clear that women are no longer multi-tasking slaves, willing to work all day then come home and tackle all the domestic chores, too.

But in reality, what a man really wants is a woman to take charge of the home and children; to organize and coordinate, even delegate. Men really don't want to be bothered with all that, even if they are willing to pitch in and help.

So there you have it.... what a man secretly wants is to come home to a clean, quiet house, a delicious soulful dinner, and a warm friendly face. So roll out the welcome mat for him and embrace him with love.

So there you have it ladies...use it, embrace it, and follow it.

I'm Maria and I'm signing off :) Goodnight everyone!